Cancer/illnesses, and caregiver, support thread

[gnalan]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Are you able to talk to your brother over video? I know it's not the same as actually being there, though. I wish you both the best, and I'll be sending positive vibes your way.

[scot850]

Yes I try to talk to him as often as I can. Problem is the 8 hour time difference, but we get there once in a while. Weekends are the hardest for him as that is when he gets too much time to think but that is when he won't answer a call.

Appreciate the thoughts and likewise mine are with you as you both fight through this. As guys we are bad for asking for help when we really need it. I had two buddies with serious life threatening cancer. There wives were having difficulty getting through to them. I had to badger and bully them to get mental help. In both cases they fought it but eventually gave in (probably to stop me bugging them!!) and did. Later both thanked me for pushing them into it as they found talking to a 3rd party allowed them to talk stuff out they were not comfortable talking to close friends. Even though you are not going through this physically, you may want to see if you can talk to someone qualified if you can.

Good luck to you both!

Neil.

[gnalan]

I've been seeing a psychologist weekly for the last 9 years. There's a lot that I struggle with from my past, and I finally got to the point that I was begging for help. I've been in a few mental hospitals, and I'm thankful for that. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the help I received back then, and continue to receive today.

PTSD and anxiety attacks are the major things I battle with, on the mental health part. I've been having anxiety attacks for 22 years, and if anyone has had even just one anxiety attack then you know how horrible they are. I also have physical problems that I'm trying to take care of, but I don't like putting myself first, and never have, so I put everyone/everything else first. It's not a healthy thing to do, but I'm better at taking care of other people than I am myself. My mental health is the only thing that I do put first, and always will. I can't help anyone, including myself, if I just give up on life. Sometimes I think giving up would be easier, but I haven't fought as hard as I have to give up now.

[scot850]

Glad you have been seeking out help over the years. It is always easier to hide from your own issues by looking out for others. Problem with that (as you know) is it builds and builds inside you. So please take time for yourself where you can. Are there any help groups out there in your area you can get involved with?

My brother does that. During the week he hides in his work, but it catches up at the weekend. He has been getting help and I hope he continues to accept it. Worst thing he says it that folks keep telling him it will get better with time. No one says what the timeline is. Reality is it can take many years and even then sneek up and bite your butt.

Keep up the good fight our friend and look for help before you get to a low.

Neill

[gnalan]

Timelines can be different for everyone, so it's not really something that can be determined by anyone other than the person going through it. Some losses still bother me more than others do. The loss of my grandma 11 years ago is one of them. The other one is more personal than I want to share here, and that was 7 years ago. The grief isn't constant like it was when the losses happen, but certain times of the year brings some of the grief back.

Having someone to talk to has helped me a lot, and continues to help me. I wouldn't have made it to where I'm at today had I not asked/begged for help. Self medicating may seem like it helps, but all it does is make things worse. At my lowest low I was drinking a fifth of Vodka a day, everyday for a year, just to get out of bed to do anything. I got extremely suicidal during that time, and I woke up hungover one day and finally said enough was enough. I was either going to die or I was going to find real help. I chose to find help, and I'm thankful that I did.

I do take time to take care of myself when I feel like I need to, but I don't do enough. I realize that, and try to make plans to see the doctors that I need to see, but something else seems to come up that I think I need to put first. I'll always put family first, as long as it doesn't cause me problems with my mental health. That's the way I've always been, and the way I'll always be.

[volvolugnut]

It looks to me like you have a working plan.
volvolugnut

[abscate]

THread like these make you realise that frozen bolt you have been swearing at isnt that important

[scot850]

+ 1 abscate. Garage build (or lack of progress) drives me nuts, stresses me, but then you read something like this and it gives a swift kick in the pants to make you realize your lot in life is truly not that bad. Heck I'm getting a garage finally. Try and find positives even when crap is going on around you.

Keep up the positives our friends as best you can, and like volvolugnut says, it is great to have a plan and ASK FOR HELP!! Something us guys are bad at and we are all normal for putting others first and forgetting about our own health.

Take care out there!

Neil.

[gnalan]

Finally saw my doctor a few days ago, and had lab work done. My ALP liver enzymes are on the high side, which I'm hoping isn't something too serious. Going back in a month to have lab work done again to see if anything changes.

My fiance is still having a rough time with her CHF. Lots of swelling in her legs and feet, and chest pain. She can barely walk from one room to the next before she starts having trouble breathing. She's only 31, and she has more health issues than anyone that I know. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and eliminate a lot of her health issues. We did get some good news that, according to her latest lab work, she's cancer free now after having her thyroid taken out.

There's been a lot going on lately, and a lot more coming up, unfortunately. I'm glad she has a great team of doctors, and she has more new specialists she's going to start seeing this month. I've lost count of how many doctors she sees, and how many pills she takes on a daily basis, and without either of those I honestly don't think she'd still be alive.

We both really appreciate all of the kind words, positive thoughts, and the prayers.

[gnalan]

I found out earlier today that an old friend of mine passed away last night. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get ahold of anyone to find out what happened, and the ones I did get a hold of didn't know anything. Some of them didn't even know until I told them, and giving someone bad news isn't something I'm too good at.

Rest in peace, Ron. You were always a great friend to me, and a great person all around. You'll truly be missed.