ETM connector: how to release?

[sugarman]

Hi,
I feel dumb for even asking this question but...I was trying to take off the ETM throttle body because I wanted to clean it thoroughly. Ive been getting the "reduced engine performance" light on at random times. Its a 2004 S80 2.9 and I hear that taking these off and cleaning the plate that moves and around it thoroughly is a good idea. Also I hear that cleaning the electrical connector is a good idea as well.
I tried pinching/squeezing the connector while pulling/prying it off with no success.
At one point I tried increasing the grip and pulling power by using plyers- big mistake as I could hear the brittle plastic cracking.. its very brittle due to the car's age and the brutal heat (seems a lot of the plastic under the hood is brittle).
Any advice on how to disconnect this connector?
Thanks