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The great P80 Volvo Bloopers - Idiots - Fails thread - April 2020

Help, Advice and DIY Tutorials on Volvo's extremely popular car line -- Volvo's 1990s "bread and butter" cars -- powered by the ubiquitous and durable Volvo inline 5-cylinder engine.

1992 - 1997 850, 850 R, 850 T5-R, 850 T5, 850 GLT
1997 - 2000 S70, S70 AWD
1997 - 2000 V70, V70 AWD
1997 - 2000 V70-XC
1997 - 2004 C70

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abscate
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The great P80 Volvo Bloopers - Idiots - Fails thread - April 2020

Post by abscate » Fri Apr 03, 2020 5:54 am

Its time to get these documented out there for all to see.

Not limited to Volvo cars - anything automotive is fair game.
Usual MVS rules - Safe for work, no objectifying images, HR approved.

"If you have to ask if its insensitive, it is."

Rating system

1. Doh! - Mistake
B. Doh! Doh! Mistake in costly time and materials
(iii) Doh! Doh! Doh! Special Mistake Worth of more than just (B.)
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Empty Nester
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1999-V70-T5M56 2005-V70-M56 1999-S70 VW T4 BMW
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abscate
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Re: The great Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by abscate » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:19 am

This happens when someone tells you to knock the axle shaft out of the hub with a hammer to pull of the stub axle

Cost $100 for used axle

DOH! DOH!
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Empty Nester
A Captain in a Sea of Estrogen
1999-V70-T5M56 2005-V70-M56 1999-S70 VW T4 BMW
Link to Maintenance record thread
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abscate
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Re: The great Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by abscate » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:21 am

Early paid work. $100 an hour for rear axle work, can't remember what for.

2 months later, ABS light for failed right rear sensor - what could possibly be the cause??

DOH DOH for parts and labor!!
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Empty Nester
A Captain in a Sea of Estrogen
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Link to Maintenance record thread
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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by Azik09 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:01 am

An old Ford Escord was towed to me with "no start" complaint. I found an antifreeze in tank and gas in radiator. WTF??? Owner tried to repair his bone shaker himself and mixed up fuel and coolant hoses on single point injection unit...
I dismantled tank to wash it and found this...
pump1.jpg
Fuel pump was glued from two other using an epoxy. :shock:
Doh! DOH!! DOH!!!
If my English is bad, please correct me :oops:

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volvolugnut
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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by volvolugnut » Fri Apr 03, 2020 10:45 am

Thanks to all for self confession of errors.

My own mistake - MANY years ago I tried to carry gasoline in a styrafoam cup. The cup dissolved.
Duh!
volvolugnut
These users thanked the author volvolugnut for the post:
CIK7
2001 V70 T5, 1986 244DL, 1983 245DL, 1975 245DL, 1959 PV544, multiple parts cars.

Richard99
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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by Richard99 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:09 am

I once completed a rotor and brake pad swap change and left the 5 gallon pale that the caliper was resting on underneath the car. When I started lowering the car when done, I heard a crunching sound and almost destroyed my windshield washing reservoir.
Eric

1998 Volvo V70
2000 Volvo V70XC

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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by Richard99 » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:18 am

Even better:

I once completed a replacement of a wheel bearing and forgot to tighten down the strut to knuckle bolts to proper spec. A few months later, I was getting bad wear to the outside of my wheel. I took it in for an alignment, and they called saying I needed a wheel bearing replaced. I complained how that's impossible because I just changed it and asked them to show me why they thought that. They indeed showed me the play at the 6 an 12 position but I said I wanted to just take the car back and inspect it myself. When I got home, it took me 5 minutes to figure out that the play was coming from the strut to knuckle connection. Yikes!

Lesson: Use new bolts and double check that everything is tightened down to spec!
Eric

1998 Volvo V70
2000 Volvo V70XC

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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by MoVolvos » Fri Apr 03, 2020 12:09 pm

.
I joined the forum in Jan 2012. Had cleared the garage a little to work on 98 S70 T5. In November the garage was still clear so helped a friend sell his brother in laws 2005 Caravan with 65K miles. It was pretty dirty and greasy as it was used for their restaurant to haul things and make deliveries. I knew it had potential to sell as the transmission was in great shape and body was clean.

The Bad: Backed the van into the garage and after detailing left the rear hatch up and drove it out that way. Could wait to get it out into the sun to see the shine. Put a nice scratch on the rear hatch but took out the rear glass and twisted the tin can non-insulated garage door. Glass everywhere and garage hanging down twisted :cry:.

The Good: His brother in laws insurance paid for a new garage door (money went to my brother, his home) and I was able to bend it back and do some sheet metal work besides bracing it with a few pieces of wood to lessen the kinks so you couldn't tell from the street. The insurance paid for a new rear hatch and glass but just installed the glass at very reasonable price. Sold it to a family of Caravan owners that use them as taxis so they were very happy with a well running, low mileage and very clean van. They decided to give it the daughter as she just had a baby. Friend was happy he got a good price and insurance money that he gave me $1,000 for the effort. The van sold for $5,488 and he still had insurance money left over.
.
Blessings,

BKM

1998 S70 T5 - Donated
2003 S80 T6
2003 GS300
2003 Odyssey
2008 C30 T5
2019 Atlas SE 4 Motion

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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by RickHaleParker » Fri Apr 03, 2020 6:26 pm

I had 1978 Pontiac Trans Am. Date was driving. I start sweet talking her. She likes it. Leans right to hear more. Pulls steering wheel right, car up on sidewalk, wraps it around a telephone pole. Lesson learned, don't sweet talk when they are driving.
--------
Platform: P80 1998 C70, B5234T3, 16T, AW50-42, Bosch Motronic 4.4, Special Edition package, Plant: Uddevalla Sweden.
Platform: X40 (Nedcar) 2003 S40, B4204T3, 14T twin scroll AW55-50/51SN, Siemens EMS 2000. Plant: Born Netherlands.
Platform P2 2005 XC90 T6 Executive, B6294T, 4T65 AWD, Bosch Motronic 7.0, Plant Torslanda Sweden.
Platform P2 2004 S60R, B2524T4, AW50/51 AWD, Bosch Motronic 7.0, BorgWarner K24 turbocharger, Plant Ghent Belgium.

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Re: The great P80 Volvo Bloopers Idiots and Fails thread - April 2020

Post by wizechatmgr » Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:26 pm

I once replaced an ignition switch because I kept having intermittent problems with the car dying. All troubleshooting pointed there, with exception of one small thing I overlooked.

The battery terminal was tight and making great contact - great. The battery terminal's auxiliary feed that goes to the fuse box wasn't tight. That sucker is now double-nutted and will not come off during my lifetime. I kept smelling electrical (ozone) and could never find the source prior to that.

I also had a situation ('85 VW Cabriolet) where I couldn't for the life of me get the exhaust manifold bolts off after a shop had worked on it years before. It turns out they used regular steel nuts, not ones that were either copper coated or brass so they fused. I now use brass nuts on anything hot that I may need to be able to remove.
Wisdom requires knowledge as a prerequisite, but knowledge can be developed due to a lack of wisdom.
In order to learn how to fix something, you must first learn how to break it.
1999 V70 XC AWD - ~187k miles

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