Not Volvo related but it may raise a smile.

[billofdurham]

UPS Airlines.

Just in case you need a laugh; remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. A reassurance for those of you who fly routinely in your jobs.

After every flight UPS pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (P) and the solutions (S) by ground crews.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF mode inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best two for last:

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. It sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Bill.

[FCPEURO]

Ok, these are fantastic!! Emailing these to a friend.

[JDS60R]

Fantastic - thanks Bill !!!

[jblackburn]

Hahahaha

[polskamafia mjl]

I am Lol'ing so hard right now! Thanks Bill!