The great P80 Volvo Bloopers - Idiots - Fails thread - June 2023

[CIK7]

Its time to get these documented out there for all to see.

Not limited to Volvo cars - anything automotive is fair game.
Usual MVS rules - Safe for work, no objectifying images, HR approved.

"If you have to ask if its insensitive, it is."

Rating system

1. Doh! - Mistake
B. Doh! Doh! Mistake in costly time and materials
(iii) Doh! Doh! Doh! Special Mistake Worth of more than just (B.)

Awesome idea! I love the Simpsons and especially Homer's DOH!

[Eddystone]

Not a huge blooper, but I can tell you that if you put a high pressure turbo T5 engine back together and don't tighten the clamps on the turbo pipes sufficiently, they will blow right off when you take it out for a test drive. Sounds like you blew up a big rubber balloon and let it go. There's a little bit of whoopee cushion in that sound.

I used to work on medical x-ray equipment and there were all sorts of covers to remove before you could get to the mechanical and electrical bits. At one point, I ended up servicing equipment that had previously been serviced by someone who should not have been given access to red Loctite 271. In two different rooms, every cover screw (and there were many) had been installed with red Loctite. What a pain.

This is the kind of stuff that was done by guys who were part of a dedicated installation crew who installed new machines but never went back to service them. All of the bundles of electrical cables looked beautiful. Unfortunately, all of the circuit boards were in swing out racks that could not be swung out because there was no slack in the cables. Looked like a million dollars. Couldn't service that machine for anything since all of the test points and connections were on the rear of the non-swinging rack.

But that leads back to automobiles that are not designed to be serviced. I used to have P6 Rover saloons which had DeDion rear suspensions with inboard disc brakes like an XKE. No access covers in the boot. They were impossible to service, and usually the smartest thing to do was to drop the whole rear suspension and hope you never had to do it again (which you probably wouldn't). Marvelously engineered cars aside from that, and the brakes functioned great. The P6 was one of those cars that was wonderful on a high speed curve. It would smoothly settle in and then you felt like you could go through the turn at another 50 or 60 mph. Like it was in grooves.

[callahanoffroad]

I have been working on my own cars for about 20 years now so I've got a bunch of great stories I'll share one!

1: I used to have a '96 Honda Civic. First car that I really worked on myself. Needed brake pads. Got all the parts and tools except for two really important things. A jack and jack stands. So I used the emergency Jack in the trunk. Car is up, every is off. I get up to grab the new pads and the car goes... Wobble wobble... Crash! Fell straight off of the scissor Jack. Crashes straight down onto the rotor. Oof. Had I been under there I would have been a Ryan pancake! So lesson learned there.

[atucker1]

Tangentially related to Volvo:

A few weeks ago I was in a parking lot and saw a young lady with the hood propped up on her mid 2000s Ford Focus. I asked her if I could help with anything and she said she was driving when, all of a sudden, the car started lurching. She thought it was a blown tire but it clearly wasn't the case. When I looked inside the hood, the engine had fallen down about 4 inches on one side, everything twisted and various fluids leaking, a total mess. I made sure to double check my motor mounts that afternoon.

Scary to think Volvo was owned by Ford for a bit...

[BlackBart]

I once tried to pound the new tie rod end into the steering arm on my 850. It WOULD NOT go in all the way! I tried to crank on the nut but it seemed like it had just bottomed out. So confused. I called ipd to discuss the incorrect part they sent. He said if it's the wrong part we will certainly replace it.

I went back to the garage to look at it again.... and I had put them into the steering arm from the wrong side. Upside down. I had removed both sides of the car so I didn't have anything to reference. Why was the curved arm so odd? I somehow failed to remember that hole is tapered and the ball joint fits right in there..............

I called ipd back to say.....oop......my fault. He laughed and said he'd send a replacement at cost because I was honest about it.

[volvolugnut]

So I used the emergency Jack in the trunk. Car is up, every is off. I get up to grab the new pads and the car goes... Wobble wobble... Crash! Fell straight off of the scissor Jack. Crashes straight down onto the rotor.

This reminds me how I learned why not to use concrete blocks for support of vehicles. I think that was with 1964 Ford pickup. No injuries.
volvolugnut

[abscate]

So I used the emergency Jack in the trunk. Car is up, every is off. I get up to grab the new pads and the car goes... Wobble wobble... Crash! Fell straight off of the scissor Jack. Crashes straight down onto the rotor.

This reminds me how I learned why not to use concrete blocks for support of vehicles. I think that was with 1964 Ford pickup. No injuries.
volvolugnut

This is a really foolish practice still done by many with some very bad reasoning.

Solid lumber cribbing, good.

Bricks, cement, cinder blocks, No.

[abscate]

Trying to mount by car ramps in wet weather, they slipped, I overdrove and caught the lip on the fog light.

Another $100 wasted

DOH!

[volvolugnut]

Trying to mount by car ramps in wet weather, they slipped, I overdrove and caught the lip on the fog light.

Another $100 wasted

DOH!

ouch! I am often inclined (get it?) to use the jack to lift the car and then put the ramp under the tires. Not easier, but can be less trouble.
volvolugnut

[Cookeh]

Presume you've tried to put extensions on to the ramps? The extensions hook onto one of the lower rungs of the ramp and roughly double the length. The weight of the front of the car on the extensions keeps the ramp in place and stops them from slipping as you drive onto them.