2007 XC90 Brake Repairs

[Hawaii Soccer Mom]

Holy Smokes! I hope someone can tell me I'm not getting (excuse me) screwed...
For the past 2 weeks, my "Brake Failure Stop Safely" light went one when I started the car, but would turn off after a few minutes. This weekend the ABS skid off light and DSTC OFF light has been taking turns going off and on too. Saturday night, everything was fine. Sunday, they all went off at the same time, only this time it included the Engine Service light and Bulb position light/ warning too. I have two kids 6 and 1 so their safety is a BIG concern... I took the car to volvo first thing on Monday.
They call me today to tell me that (all of this including parts and labor)the Brake switch pump / booster needs to be replaced at the tune of 1700 - the ABS system @ 1900 - the engine light meant that the system software needed to be (I forget the exact word) "upgraded" for $325 then brake pad replaced @ 860.... TOTAL: $4785!
This car just made 3 years old... but has 53500 miles on it, so I missed the warranty by a measly 3500 miles- seriously less than 3 months worth of running around. I spoke to (ok, yelled) at the manager.. I basically needed to understand why in the world would this expensive car need 5000 worth of repairs in 39 months?!?!
They call back and tell me the factory will cover the pump, they will take care of the system upgrades- no need to work on the ABS (it'll fix itself with the brake work) wait a few months to change the pads, its @ 4 and they recommend to change @ 3.... total price to skip the ABS/PADS/Software: 1800.00
They say I should be grateful. In a way, I am. they are saving me about $3000... but....
Tell me, does this sound right? to fix the switch pump/booster (which I'm supposed to be getting "free") it would have cost me 1700- for the labor?!?!? now its going to cost me $1800 with the software ( seriously, I am grateful) and by doing this I won't have to worry about the ABS? Why would they tell me I needed it in the first place? I've been trying to google "volvo XC90 brake pump" to no avail - it just might be that I'm hopeless with car junk- or are they playing russian roulette with my children's safety?

[vegasjetskier]

I would look for an independent Volvo shop in your area to get a second opinion.