Been in couples' therapy?

Post by **matthew1** » 30 Mar 2011, 13:46

This group is small enough I feel fine posting about this. It's not embarrassing or weird to me at all.

Me and my wife are in couples' therapy currently and it's saving the marriage. True story. It's that good.

By my count you need two things for it to work (three if you count differently):
_ both people have to want to be in the marriage
_ good therapist

We've got all those criteria, plus I really try hard outside therapy to do the things we speak about in therapy.

If somebody asked me (no one has, still waiting), I'd say do this even when you're engaged to be married.

FCPEURO · Post by **FCPEURO** » 30 Mar 2011, 16:12

I was in couples therapy years ago with the mother of my daughter. Unfortunately, it did not work for use. Believe it or not, time worked a lot better. We separated for about 2 and a half years and this past June, we decided that we wanted to be with each other again and everything has been great since. It was a little bump at first but everything smoothed out and I have not been happier.

Post by **jblackburn** » 30 Mar 2011, 17:55

Time has been the best thing for me so far too. Communication always seems to be the main problem; no one ever tells each other how they really feel about things because they're afraid of the argument it might cause.

I was in a really serious relationship for 3 years in college; I ended up breaking up with her when I felt like things were falling apart and I wasn't sure that I still loved her, spent a few months apart, and I took the time to really get my life in order and actually be happy with myself. I made the mistake of missing her too much and took her back without even thinking twice about it, and while things were great for a while and I had changed from what I was before, she put up a good front for about 2 months and then I realized that she had not really changed one bit, and it ended in much more hurt than before.

But some things are for the best. I feel like I became a much nicer and more motivated person for myself to accomplish things for me after that. I'm a better friend to others, one that close friends know they can always count on to be there for them or sit down and take time out of my busy day to talk to them about their own problems. I'm sort of doing the same thing again now after another rough patch - I realize that my life is just going to get way too busy for a relationship at the moment with classes, work deadlines, and grad school applications looming on the horizon for the upcoming year. And hopefully, grad school itself will happen some time in the near future.

Post by **Matty Moo** » 31 Mar 2011, 01:52

My wife is extremely stubborn. I'm not, but I am with her, otherwise she'd walk all over me.

She was spoiled as a child, so I have that to deal with.

FCPEURO · Post by **FCPEURO** » 31 Mar 2011, 18:35

jblackburn wrote:No one ever tells each other how they really feel about things because they're afraid of the argument it might cause.

This is so true and is one of the reasons why things got so bad for my and my lady years ago. Now, I tell her everything and she tells me everything. We do argue about it all sometimes but things are a lot better in the end because we are honest with each other and we always know how the other person is feeling.

Post by **matthew1** » 01 Apr 2011, 08:46

You have a really cool story there, Andrew. Kudos to you.

FCPEURO · Post by **FCPEURO** » 02 Apr 2011, 09:11

matthew1 wrote:You have a really cool story there, Andrew. Kudos to you.

Thanks Matthew, I am glad everything is working out so well now. It has been a rocky couple of years but things are a lot better now.

Post by **billofdurham** » 02 Apr 2011, 11:54

I met my future wife in 1960. I chased her until she caught me. We married in 1964 and are still together.

Before we married my father, 27 years married at that time, had words for both of us, albeit we didn't know until many years later that he had spoken to us both. His advice was to sort out disagreements as they occurred by talking through the problem, being careful to listen to the other side of the argument. Agree a course of action and stick to it. A good marriage/relationship needs partners with the ability to compromise without either one feeling he or she is the underdog.

Bill.

FCPEURO · Post by **FCPEURO** » 04 Apr 2011, 10:04

billofdurham wrote:I met my future wife in 1960. I chased her until she caught me. We married in 1964 and are still together.

Before we married my father, 27 years married at that time, had words for both of us, albeit we didn't know until many years later that he had spoken to us both. His advice was to sort out disagreements as they occurred by talking through the problem, being careful to listen to the other side of the argument. Agree a course of action and stick to it. A good marriage/relationship needs partners with the ability to compromise without either one feeling he or she is the underdog.

Bill.

Very true advise and is one of the reason things are working out now and did not work out so well years ago. Needless to say, we learned the hard way. A relationship is a two lane road, not a one way.